


Alecto's Surprise Party

by Dragon_MoonX



Category: Fatty Bear's Birthday Surprise (Video Game), Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Adult Baby Alecto Carrow, Birthday Party, Crack Crossover, Gen, Inspired by Roleplay/Roleplay Adaptation, Nifflers (Harry Potter), Strong Language, Stuffed Toys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-01
Updated: 2021-02-18
Packaged: 2021-03-12 01:27:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,338
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29127204
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dragon_MoonX/pseuds/Dragon_MoonX
Summary: In which Alecto and her demonic teddy bear attempt to have a birthday party for her adoptive mother. Which would be fine if they didn't have to track down Maisie's missing present.
Comments: 8
Kudos: 2





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Maisie_Malfoy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Maisie_Malfoy/gifts).



> Before we begin, I would like to thank Panoots, whose video served as the inspiration for this story. I would also like to wish my good friend Maisie a happy birthday. Sorry this story is so late. I hope you like it.

The hour was late, the grandfather clock chiming once before falling silent. At this time of night Alecto was usually asleep, nestled in her bed with rice strewn about the sheets. But this evening was different. And after several minutes of feigning sleep Alecto was out of bed, the covers thrown back as her bare feet touched the floor.

"Come on, Fatty Bear!" she spouted, her grubby little fist clutching the arm of an overstuffed teddy bear. "I wanna make a cake. Then eat it all by myself, and maybe make another one for Mommy's birthday party."

With two fingers in her mouth, Alecto tugged on the bear, trying to get it to move from its place at the foot of her bed. That was when the sentient teddy bear opened his eyes, screeching profanities before swatting at her with his paw.

The Death Eater laughed. He was so horribly crude and evil, the perfect plushie for a murderous witch.

"Mommy would wash your mouth out with soap if she heard you say that," Alecto stated, still sucking on her fingers. "Those are bad words."

"Oh yeah? Well, where do you think I learned it from? After all, it was your mother who charmed us all to life." And with that Fatty Bear hopped off the bed, taking a moment to adjust the straps on his red overalls. "Now what's all this about making a cake?"

"Don't you remember?" Alecto huffed out an exasperated sigh. "Mommy's birthday is tomorrow. And if the caterpillar tongue wakes up before she does, it'll wake up Mommy too and then I'll never get my cake!" 

The last part of her sentence came out sounding like a tremendous whine. Yes, she had good intentions and wanted to make a birthday cake for her mother. But she also wanted a couple pieces of cake for being such a good girl.

"Oh, the party!" Fatty Bear exclaimed, leaping up and clapping his fuzzy brown paws. "I'm so excited about the birthday party, I could crap my suspenders!"

Alecto rolled her eyes. A minute ago he acted like he didn't even know that her mother existed. But then again he was a only a teddy bear, and so his long term memory wasn't the greatest in the world.

"I'd better get busy too," said one of Alecto's dolls. "I've got a lot of decorating to do. I'm even going to make a happy birthday sign and stick it to the wall for Maisie."

"Oh, Gretchen, that sounds great!" Fatty Bear nodded in approval, causing the doll to put her hand over her mouth and giggle.

And then little Matilda Rabbit, sitting high atop the world in Alecto's high chair, blinked her bright blue eyes, twitched her whiskers and said, "Alecto, Fatty Bear, would you like some help with the birthday cake? I'm a heck of a cleaner upper!"

"Oh yes," Fatty Bear replied. "Thank you, Matilda Rabbit. That would be nice."

The plush bunny raised her ears, twirled them like the blades of a helicopter, and flew out of the room. This stirred up a lot of dust and cobwebs from the corners of the room, most of which got tangled in Matilda's ears. The rest of it went straight up Fatty Bear's nose.

"I'm gonna sneeze. Holy shit!" Fatty Bear sniffed, his button nose trembling. He then let out a monstrous sneeze that shot little tufts of stuffing across the room and onto the carpet. "Oh God," he said, wiping his streaming nose. "Alright."

"Watch it!" shouted the plush moose on the bookshelf. He had been covered in a generous portion of stuffing and didn't like that one little bit.

Fatty Bear responded by making a rude hand gesture just as Alecto was walking out the door. He then glanced up at the highchair Matilda had been sitting in. "Why does she have a highchair in her fucking room?" he asked, lifting a paw and scratching his head. "Where - what is this? Like, I know the bunny was in this, but still it's weird."

Not knowing what to make of his owner's choice in furniture, Fatty Bear continued on his way, following Alecto and Matilda Rabbit downstairs and into the kitchen.

Leading the way to the kitchen, Matilda Rabbit's ears shifted and spun, her arms flailing when she plopped down on the counter and said, "I'm here to help with the cake!"

"Yeah, cuz it's the kitchen, stupid," Fatty Bear grumbled, much to the amusement of his owner. Fatty Bear never did like Matilda Rabbit. He wouldn't mind baking her in the cake.

His plump bottom waving in the air, Fatty Bear bent over and started digging through the cupboards, removing a mixer, a bowl and some measuring spoons which he deposited on the kitchen counter. When he opened the cupboard on his left, he heard a loud moo.

"Okay, there is a cow in there," he stated quite plainly, not knowing why Maisie had charmed the empty cupboards to make animal sounds. Maybe she did it to keep her daughter entertained.

He tried opening another cupboard and this one let out a bunch of chicken noises. This caused Alecto to laugh her shiny nightgown off as she rolled around on the linoleum, and Fatty Bear said, "Okay, let's put that back on." He then tugged her nightgown over her head before resuming his search.

"Again! Again!" Alecto squealed, grabbing the handle on the cupboard door. She held on tight and swung the door open. Open, closed, open, closed, giggling and laughing amid a chorus of moos.

Meanwhile, her teddy bear, who was too short to reach the cupboards over the sink, opened the cupboards above his head using the power of his mind. He then levitated some baking powder, a bag of chocolate chips and a bottle of vanilla onto the counter. Because that's how it goes in the wizarding world.

His next task was to gather ingredients from the fridge. He stood on his little bear tippy toes, grasped the handle, and pulled with all his might. The heavy door slowly but surely opened, and Fatty Bear had a look inside.

On the bottom shelf he saw a brown bowl with a black zigzag pattern running horizontally across the side, an orange and a block of cheese. There were also some eggs, a carton of milk, a bone from some random Muggle, another bowl that was oozing greenish-black goo, and a stick of butter.

His curiosity getting the better of him, Fatty Bear reached up and poked the dripping bowl. He could smell something awful emanating from inside, its contents gurgling ominously.

Something gelatinous wriggled inside the bowl, and there was a pair of glowing green eyes peeking over the rim.

"What the fuck?!" Fatty Bear cried, his jaw dropping at the sight of the horned beast staring at him from inside the bowl. "Alecto, is your mother hiding a dark secret?"

"Uh-huh." The Death Eater nodded vigorously. "Necromancy and tupperware."

"Huh. I guess this is what happens when you try to revive the Dark Lord in the toilet. Still doesn't explain how he wound up in the fridge, though." Fatty Bear slapped a lid on the plastic bowl. "Also, is this Charlie Brown?" he asked, eyeing the brown bowl with the black zigzag. "Like, is this him as a bowl?"

Fatty Bear wondered if Maisie had been experimenting with human transfiguration again. Not that it mattered to Alecto. She had gone back to swinging from the cupboard doors, a second round of clucks and moos erupting from the space within.

His owner laughed until she was almost out of breath, rolling over onto her belly and wheezing. "Ooh, what's dat?" Alecto burbled, crawling across the floor on her hands and knees.

Fatty Bear was contemplating whether or not he should shove Matilda Rabbit in the oven when he heard a faint rustling noise.

"Shiny, shiny," Alecto cooed. And when Fatty Bear looked over his shoulder, he saw the Death Eater playing with a sparkly ribbon that had been tied to a gift box for her mother.

Before he knew it, Alecto had torn off the ribbon and put it in her mouth, nibbling and sucking on the shiny strip of material. Then out popped a niffler that had been placed in the box by Amycus. The furry little creature blinked its beady black eyes, took one look at the shiny ribbon and lunged.

There was a resounding smack when the niffler landed on Alecto's face. It clung to her, looking like one of those suction cup animals you see on car windows, and for a moment Fatty Bear wanted to laugh at the outrageous sight. But when the niffler started to move, its tiny toenails scratched Alecto's face, leaving thin red lines on her cheeks.

Its paws closed around the ribbon, yanking and tugging. But it wasn't until Alecto opened her mouth in a scream that the niffler was able to free the shiny ribbon.

Tears sprang from her eyes, mingling with the streaks of blood that ran from the scratches on her face. In a fit of rage, Alecto tried to grab the niffler, only to have the creature wriggle out of her grasp, jump onto her head and then take a flying leap across the kitchen.

His bushy bottom hit the linoleum, the ribbon held triumphantly over his head, and with that the niffler went sliding across the kitchen and out through the doggy door.

"No!" Alecto wailed, still sniffling and furious. "My shiny!"

With tears streaming down her cheeks, Alecto high tailed it out through the doggy door, desperately trying to catch the niffler and retrieve the shiny ribbon.

"Goodness gracious!" Fatty Bear said with a sigh. "There goes Maisie's birthday present. And her daughter, too. I guess I'd better go find Alecto and the niffler."

The plump bear was in the process of trying to squeeze his backside through the doggy door when Matilda Rabbit suddenly called out, "Wait, you need butter for the cake!"

"Oh? Did I forget the butter?" Fatty Bear paused in the doggy door, still partially stuck and wondering how he would get out. "I forgot the butter, hold on."

He jiggled his tush and slid out with a grunt, falling backwards and landing sprawled out on the kitchen floor. "Damn doggy door," he muttered.

After brushing himself off, Fatty Bear stood up and swiped the butter from the fridge. He placed it on the counter, adding it to the pile of ingredients he needed to make the cake. He also rubbed a generous portion of butter on his back and sides, enabling him to make his way through the doggy door and out into the back yard.

"Ah, much better," Fatty Bear said happily. "Nothing like some cheap lube to get the job done."

Once outside, Fatty Bear discovered the niffler digging a hole in Maisie's garden. The shiny ribbon was dangling from his mouth, his fur covered in layer of dust and grime.

"You stop that!" Fatty Bear scolded, just as Alecto went running past, her nightgown flapping in the wind. 

She dove on top of the dirty niffler, and this time she managed to yank the ribbon out of its mouth before the little critter went scurrying off into the bushes. 

"Mine," Alecto cooed, stuffing the ribbon back in her mouth. Only it didn't taste as good and she quickly spit it out. "Yucky!" she said, frowning in disgust at the soiled ribbon. "It tastes bad. I want cookies... Cookies make the yucky go away."

"I don't know about cookies, but I can get you popcorn." Fatty Bear waved his paw at a pack of seeds, which then flew high into the air, scattering the seeds throughout the garden.

"Look at me, I'm a miracle worker! I'm Merlin!" A smile stretched across his furry little face, and with a second wave of his paw great stalks of corn sprouted from the earth. "I create life and death!" Fatty Bear continued, his magic causing ears of corn to flourish on the stalks.

Pop pop pop went the corn, the enchanted bear laughing heartily. Life sprang from his paws and great mounds of popcorn flew in all directions, the cornstalks withering once the last of the popcorn shot into the air.

Alecto picked up a handful of popcorn and sniffed it. It smelled like toast. 

All around her the ground was covered in a layer of white. Her plush teddy then flopped down on his back and began to roll through the pile of popcorn, coating it with his buttery essence.

Alecto shrugged. It was better than nothing. And the hot butter made the popcorn glisten in the moonlight. She happily shoveled several handfuls of buttered popcorn in her face, wiped her greasy hands on her nightgown, then sat down in the garden and looked around.

"Alright, let's get out of here," said Fatty Bear. "We need to find that niffler and give it a bath."

"I don't like baths," Alecto complained, sucking on her fingers. 

"Yeah?" Fatty Bear raised an eyebrow. He looked up at her, seeing that she had popcorn in her hair, dirt on her hands and dried blood on her face. "You look like you could use a bath too."

"No!" This sent Alecto into tantrum mode. "I don't wanna have a bath!" she wailed, scooping up a handful of popcorn and throwing it at the stuffed animal.

She continued pelting him with popcorn as the plush teddy sprinted across the yard. He slung open the gate near the side of the manor, huffing and puffing and nearly out of breath. By the time he reached the front yard, Alecto had tired herself out. And so the demonic plushie and the Death Eater collapsed, sitting side by side on the pristine Malfoy lawn.

It had been quite an evening and they were both very tired. For a while Fatty Bear leaned against her, closing his eyes and letting the midnight air refresh his senses. He was almost asleep when he felt movement to his left, his companion crawling across the grass. She left so suddenly that whoops, over he went, falling backwards and spouting expletives in three different languages.

After several muttered curses, Fatty Bear sat up slowly, rubbing the back of his head where he had bruised his noggin on a rock. 

There sat Alecto, nomming on what appeared to be the letter B. She had found this letter propped up against the mailbox, and was now chewing on it like a dog bone. As if that wasn't enough, the enchanted birdhouse hanging from a branch over her head randomly decided to sprout a pair of wings and fly away.

"Merlin!" breathed Fatty Bear, watching the birdhouse soar across the moon. "This is like an experience. I feel like I'm on drugs." He looked back at the Death Eater, who was happily drooling on her newly acquired B. "Alright, well, I don't think we need to do anything else outside. We got the B. I don't know why we needed a B. Do you put B in cake?"

Poor old Fatty Bear was confused, and Alecto just kept chewing on her letter without comment.

"Anyway, I want to see if the niffler went back inside," said Fatty Bear. "And you still want your cake, right?"

"Cake? Where's cake?" Alecto shot up off the ground, the B held between her teeth like a pacifier.

Fatty Bear pointed at the manor. "Inside, if we can ever catch the niffler, give it a bath and then put it back in the box. Then we can make the cake for your mother's birthday party."

"Humph!" Alecto pouted and stomped her foot. "Sounds like a lot of work. I don't like it."

The demonic plushie rolled his eyes. This was going to be a long night.


	2. Chapter 2

Fatty Bear took Alecto by the hand, and after promises of cake and cookies, managed to convince her to go inside and help him look for the niffler.

They searched the manor and found a letter A floating in the fish tank. They looked in the garage and found a sack of sugar on the shelf. They even tried looking in Alecto's tree house. And although they found plenty of rice, a cold cup of tea, several shinies and the letter P lying on the floor, they still couldn't find Maisie's niffler.

It wasn't until they reentered the kitchen that they found the niffler standing on his hind legs and pawing at the cupboard. Apparently he was trying to reach the items Fatty Bear had left on the counter, which gave the demonic teddy an idea.

"Alecto, we need to lure the niffler into the sink so we can give it a bath," he said, thinking his plan was foolproof. Just grab the mixer or the silver measuring spoons, dangle them over the sink, turn on the water and bam! One clean magical creature ready for the birthday party.

Of course, this would have been an excellent idea if Alecto wasn't asleep on the kitchen floor. And Matilda Rabbit had flown the coop entirely, exiting stage right and vanishing into Alecto's bedroom.

Fatty Bear sighed. It looked like he was going to have to do this by himself. He was about to reach up onto the counter and take the measuring spoons when Matilda Rabbit flew into the kitchen, her ears twirling in circles.

"Fatty Bear, I was just upstairs!" Matilda Rabbit hollered, startling both the niffler and the dozing Death Eater. "The niffler has run off with the letters to the happy birthday sign!"

"Well, scream a little louder, why don't you, so everyone in the neighborhood can hear you, dumbass!" Fatty Bear shot back, his eyes glowing menacingly. He managed to turn around just in time to see the niffler dive into the mooing cupboard, only now Alecto was awake and had started to cry.

"Oh for crying out loud!" the demonic plushie exclaimed. In a fit of rage, he kicked the cupboard door closed, hoping to trap the niffler inside. His pudgy little paw then shot out and grabbed the shiny measuring spoons.

"Here, Alecto, look. Do you want these? They're nice and sparkly." Fatty Bear dangled the measuring spoons in front of her. The spoons glinted in the moonlight, and Alecto cooed, gazing lovingly at the shiny objects.

Curious about the situation, Matilda Rabbit fluttered onto the table. "Boy, Fatty Bear, you sure do have a way with kids and pets!" Three seconds passed and she was knocked over by a flying pot that Fatty Bear hurled in her direction.

This act of violence delighted the Death Eater, who had snatched the measuring spoons and was nibbling on them like a cookie.

"Again! Hit harder this time!" Alecto called out, removing the spoons and throwing them at the unconscious rabbit.

The demonic plushie was tempted to pull a knife out of the kitchen drawer, decapitate the rabbit and shove her head on a stick in the front yard. But the cupboard door was rattling on its hinges, mooing incessantly as the niffler tried to escape.

"Hurry!" Fatty Bear cried. "We have to put the niffler in the sink before it runs away again!" These words had barely left his mouth when the cow cupboard opened and the niffler made a run for it.

Moving faster than a greased ferret in Crabbe's trousers, Alecto crawled across the floor and practically dove on top of the niffler. Her first attempt missed, and she came very close to bonking her head on the chairs underneath the kitchen table. But the Death Eater was fast, and slid under the table with ease.

She saw where the niffler was headed, his paws skittering across the floor in the direction of the measuring spoons that had landed on the opposite end of the kitchen. Seeing this only served to light a fire under her behind, making Alecto move faster so the niffler didn't swipe her shiny.

There was a shrill squeak when Alecto finally managed to catch the niffler, his feet flailing as she emerged from under the table. She held him by the scruff of the neck, though for some reason she seemed more interested in the measuring spoons than her newly captured niffler.

And the spoons were dirty. The niffler had scuffed them up with his filthy, grimy little paws. And we can't have that, now can we?

Her attention torn in two directions, Alecto stuffed her fingers in her mouth, a muffled whimper emanating throughout the kitchen. She desperately wanted to clean the spoons and play with them, but there was cake to think about, and her mother, and the spoons that were needed to make the cake.

"Wanna play," she whined. "Cake and play time."

"Alecto!" Fatty Bear gestured to the sink. "Put the niffler in the sink!"

She looked back at him, the niffler flailing and squealing, then scooted her butt under the table and reached for the spoons on the floor. Fatty Bear was getting frustrated when she emerged a second later, grinning with the measuring spoons dangling from her mouth.

"Got poons!" she burbled sweetly.

Fatty Bear's jaw dropped, staring at her in the light of the moon. Those spoons were really going to need a good scrubbing after this.

The Death Eater stumbled slightly, gripping the table and using it to pull herself up onto her feet. It was only a few steps to the counter, but after turning the water on full blast she immediately spat the measuring spoons out into the sink. The niffler had been forgotten completely, and was unceremoniously tossed into the silverware drawer.

"No, put the niffler in the sink first!" Fatty Bear said. But Alecto had started playing in the water, splashing it all over the floor. Her teddy bear groaned. "Oh God, you're making a fookin' mess!"

It was now up to Fatty Bear to retrieve the niffler, who was currently snuggling with a fork.

When the demonic plushie reached into the drawer, the niffler kicked up a flurry of forks, knives and spoons then hopped out onto the floor. Only now he was weighted down by the amount of cutlery he had shoved in his pouch.

Fatty Bear ran down the hallway and up the stairs, where he managed to corner the furry creature in Alecto's bedroom. But the niffler managed to dive between the teddy bear's legs and up onto the bed.

The little critter looked around, his eyes darting left and right, when he spied a bunch of balloons floating near the ceiling. Each one had a shiny ribbon tied to it, which was enough to lure the niffler towards the colorful display.

He quickly climbed up the nearest ribbon, thinking maybe he could stay out of reach near the ceiling. After that it would be a simple matter of pulling the ribbon up and into his pouch, adding the collection of shiny treasures.

Higher and higher he climbed, the teddy bear now far below, leaping and yelling some choice words at the fleeing niffler. He was nearing the top when his claws scratched the surface of the balloon. There was a half second pause before the balloon went pop, and the niffler fell onto the bed.

"Hey, you popped Maisie's balloon, you little shit!" Fatty Bear screeched, climbing furiously up the side of the bed. "I swear that niffler is a fucking menace."

The niffler shimmied up another ribbon, trying to reach the top as Fatty Bear grabbed the ribbon and started reeling it in. Pop went another balloon when the niffler scratched the bottom of it, and down came the magical creature, landing on the teddy bear's head.

"Watch what you're doing!" the plush moose advised. "We're going to run out of balloons if you keep this up."

"Oh yeah?" Fatty Bear glared at the stuffie on the shelf. "Why aren't you doing anything, moose?"

The niffler took a flying leap towards another balloon, falling short of his goal due to the amount of curly ribbons that had tangled around his legs. He was now stuck, squeaking and wriggling but was unable to free himself from the shiny ribbons. And so finally, after much running around, yelling, cursing and frustration, Fatty Bear picked up the niffler and carried it off to the bathroom.

"Okay, alright," Fatty Bear grumbled, opening the bathroom door. "Not funny, Bobo. Not funny."

He was about to put the niffler in the bathtub when the door flew open, and there stood Alecto in the doorway. She had found a pack of chocolate chip cookies in the kitchen and was now happily munching on them, the measuring spoons tucked into the pocket of her nightgown for safekeeping.

There were smudges of chocolate coating her lips and cheeks, her nightgown was soaked and her hair was flecked with bits of popcorn. It honestly looked like she had been caught up in a food tornado.

Fatty Bear sighed. How on earth was he going to get her cleaned up for the birthday party? And then it dawned on him, maybe he could kill to birds with one stone if he could talk the Death Eater into helping him bathe the niffler.

"Alecto," he said, leaning over and dropping the niffler into the bathtub. "Don't you want to make your mother happy by cleaning her present? I bet she would be proud of you for doing such a good job."

Alecto thought about it for a moment.

"No."

Fatty Bear tried again. "Alright then," he said with a shrug. "But when your mother has a clean, happy birthday present and a delicious cake, I'll be the one who gets all the credit."

This didn't sit well with Alecto, and so she finished the last of her cookies, shoved the teddy bear aside and reached for the bar of soap. She hit the poor plushie with such force that Fatty Bear smacked into the wall beside the laundry chute, causing the metal door to open with a bang.

Momentarily stunned, the demonic plushie slid down the wall, seeing colorful stars burst before his eyes. When he looked up again, Alecto had turned on the shower and water was everywhere, soaking into her hair and clothing, splattering the floor, the shower curtains and most of the ceiling.

"Oh no." Fatty Bear shook his fuzzy little head. "This whole place is going to get flooded." He forced himself up onto his feet and made a beeline for the Death Eater. "You're doing a very thorough job, Alecto, but I think you should let me help."

He scooted closer, standing beside her and holding onto the niffler while Alecto poured water over the little critter, rinsing it off.

"Mommy's gonna be so proud of me. She might even let me have extra cake." Alecto plopped down on the wet linoleum. She hugged the soggy niffler, who had lost much of its vigor after almost being drowned in the tub. And then she shivered. "Cold... I don't like it," she whimpered.

Fatty Bear could see tears in Alecto's eyes and knew that she was on the verge of crying again. "One second, Alecto! One second!" he said, yanking the towel off the rack. He quickly dried off the niffler, then walked around Alecto and started drying her hair. "You smell so clean, Alecto. Not at all like the popcorn you were rolling in."

"B-but I'm cold a-and wet and - " She broke off in midsentence, the bathroom door flying open with Matilda Rabbit standing in the doorway.

Apparently the little rabbit had gone into full Rambo mode, and was now wearing a bandana tied around her ears. She also had a toy machine gun slung across her shoulder. Where she found such an object Fatty Bear didn't know. Maybe it was during a play date with Bellatrix and the older witch was demonstrating the different ways Muggles like to kill each other.

"Fatty Bear, you've gone too far this time!" the bunny roared. Her fur bristled with agitation, her whiskers puffing out around her fluffy face, and with a howl of rage she charged at Fatty Bear, striking him in the gut with the butt of her gun.

The blow was enough to knock the wind out of the demonic plushie, and for the second time that night the poor little bear was slammed against the wall, the rabbit pinning him to floral wallpaper with her gun against his neck.

"All I ever do is try, Fatty Bear!" Matilda Rabbit yelled in his face. "I try to be good. I try to be nice and help out from time to time. And this is the thanks I get?!"

Matilda Rabbit grit her teeth, pushing the gun against the bear's throat until he could hardly breathe. Alecto, meanwhile, had decided the only solution to the problem was to remove her wet clothing. She was an expert at getting naked, and before anyone could blink, the Death Eater yanked off her nightgown, twisted the article of clothing and used it to whip the bunny's backside.

Matilda Rabbit grabbed her behind, yelped and flew straight up into the air. "Yikes! That smarts!" she cried, much to the delight of Fatty Bear.

The teddy bear could only smile, holding his throat and taking in several deep breaths. However, the moment was short lived when Alecto, who, by the way, had decided to stuff the niffler in her diaper for safekeeping, aimed another nightie snap at the bunny's behind, only to watch Matilda Rabbit hop sideways and accidentally collide with the plump bear.

Both plushies tumbled into the laundry chute, with Fatty Bear calling out, "Look out below!"

Not wanting to get left behind, Alecto dove into the chute as well, and only managed to slide down safely because she was already wet and soapy from giving the niffler a bath.

All three of them landed in an oversized laundry basket, with Alecto and Fatty Bear crushing Matilda Rabbit. Thankfully, because she was only a plushie, the bunny wasn't harmed, just flattened.

Alecto poked her head out of the laundry basket, followed by Fatty Bear, who looked up at her and noticed the Death Eater had something in her mouth.

"I found da caawashter opener!" Alecto said, drooling all over the shiny object.

"I found da caawashter opener," Fatty Bear said mockingly. "What the fuck is a caawashter? And where did the niffler go? Don't tell me it ran away again."

Alecto pointed at her diaper, which then began to rustle of its own accord. There was a faint squeaking sound, and out popped the niffler's furry little head, his eyes wide, looking around in confusion.

"Uuhhhhh yeah," Fatty Bear said at length, not knowing what else to say in this situation. "I'm not touching that. But this is a good place that we ended up. We can get you some clean clothes before going upstairs and putting the niffler back in its box."

He climbed out of the laundry basket, leaving behind the squished bunny. Alecto stayed put, still chewing on the remote control to Maisie's garage door. He'd barely made it two steps when the washing machine door opened, inhaling the dirty clothes from the laundry basket along with Matilda Rabbit.

"Merlin's beard!" Fatty Bear exclaimed, watching as the washing machine finished washing the clothes then spat them out into the dryer. "You have like, a ghost that does all your laundry for you?"

"More necromancy and tupperware," Alecto said with a shrug. By now she had finished chewing on the remote and had moved on to nibbling the laundry basket.

After a bit of a struggle and promises of even more cake and cookies, Fatty Bear managed to wrestle Alecto into one of her mother's spare robes, after it had been washed and dried.

Alecto sniffed the dark fabric. "It smells... like flowers," she said, then chomped on the sleeve and proceeded to chew on it.

"It's not quite the right size," Fatty Bear said, scratching his head with his claws. "It looks like it's a little too big. But it's clean, and it'll keep you nice and warm while we make the birthday cake."

"Cake!" That got the Death Eater's attention. And with the niffler still bobbing along in her diaper, Alecto bolted from the room with Fatty Bear following close behind.

"Alecto, wait up." The teddy bear was panting now. "Merlin's beard, does everyone run around this house like a maniac? We need to put the niffler back in the box and give the letters back to what's-her-face."

"Letters?" Alecto was confused.

"For the happy birthday sign," Fatty Bear explained. "That's why we've been finding letters all over the house. The niffler stole them, so now we have to put them back." And then he had an idea. "Alecto, can you do something for me?" he asked, tilting his head to the side.

Alecto continued to chew on her sleeve. "Uh-huh." She nodded, not knowing where he was going with this.

The demonic plushie took the shiny letters out of his pocket. They were covered in glitter and made his paws very messy. "No wonder that bastard took them," he said, and right now both Alecto and the niffler started staring at the letters. "Okay, give me the niffler. And while I'm putting it in the box, you can return the letters. Do you think you can do that?"

"No."

"But why not?" Fatty Bear was starting to lose his patience with her.

"You said cake and cookies. Where are they?" Alecto started chewing on her other sleeve. "I want cake, not letters. Letters taste bad."

"Please?"

She blew a raspberry at him.

"Oh good gracious." Fatty Bear sighed. "If Matilda Rabbit were here, I could give her the letters. Although I probably shouldn't leave you unsupervised." He looked up at the Death Eater. "Alright. Let's get this done together. First the letters, then the niffler and finally the cake."

"Cake!" Alecto bounced up and down excitedly, jiggling the niffler in her diaper.

It had been a very long night. But after an hour of niffler chasing side quests, they were finally going to finish setting up the party and bake Maisie's birthday cake.


	3. Chapter 3

In an ordinary household, baking a birthday cake was usually a simple task. But with Matilda Rabbit currently plastered to the inside of the washing machine, and Alecto trying to eat out of the bag of chocolate chips, poor Fatty Bear was having a heck of a time trying to prepare the cake for Maisie's party.

"How can you still be hungry after all the popcorn and cookies you ate?" Fatty Bear asked, swiping the bag of chocolate chips. "You're going to get sick if you keep that up. And I don't want you to begin to nausea on your mother's cake."

Alecto sniffled, her bottom lip quivering. Fatty Bear sighed and gave her the bag, though not before taking what he needed for the recipe.

"Just let me have one cup of chocolate chips," he told her. "You can have the rest."

The Death Eater continued to stuff her face with chocolate chips, watching from off to the side as her teddy bear added milk, butter and flour. 

"I wanna do the eggs! Lemme do 'em!" Alecto whined, tossing the empty bag over her shoulder.

"Alright, but be careful not to make a mess," the plushie said, stepping aside and handing her two eggs. He was surprised when the egg split open and let out a strange noise that sounded very much like a tuba.

"Oh God, that noise," said Fatty Bear, and Alecto started giggling. "Is everything in the kitchen charmed to make sounds?" A smiled formed on his face. Fatty Bear was amused by her laughter. And so he began to imitate the tuba noise, making Alecto laugh even more.

Together they finished adding the ingredients, with Alecto slopping a decent amount of milk onto the counter.

"If Amycus were awake he could lick the milk off the floor," Alecto said, not caring that the moo juice was dripping onto her toes. She smiled sweetly and chuckled. "He could lick my feet too. But I don't think I'd like that. Too tickley!"

And then Fatty Bear, now holding the mixer while blending the ingredients in a bowl, began to sing, much to the delight of his companion.

"I'm mixing a birthday cake, a birthday cake, a birthday cake. It is what I soon will bake for Maisie birthday party."

Alecto plopped down on the floor beside the counter, picked up the empty bag of chocolate chips, and was about to put it in her mouth when Matilda Rabbit entered the kitchen.

The bunny was limping badly and had copious amounts of fluff coming out of her ears. Her dainty little pink apron had been torn in the scuffle with Fatty Bear, the strap hanging off her shoulder with a button long gone, lost to the shadowy recesses of the dryer. She honestly looked as though a dog had chewed on her. But that didn't stop her from hobbling over to Fatty Bear and poking him in the chest with a cheese stick.

"You win this time, Fatty," she spat in contempt. "You know, I really don't understand why you have to be so mean to everyone. But I know Maisie doesn't want us fighting in front of her daughter. So let's finish baking the cake and then you can sit on it." She then shoved the cheese stick in her mouth and munched on it.

Fatty Bear snorted. "You mean like I sat on your mom last night?"

"Yucky, yucky!" Alecto cried, throwing the crumpled bag at Fatty Bear. "No mushy stuff!"

Matilda Rabbit glared at him, then twirled her ears and flew up onto the counter, leaving behind a trail of cheese crumbs that scattered all over the floor. She was thoroughly bruised and battered, but they all existed for a reason. And that reason was to help look after Alecto and keep her happy and entertained.

The little rabbit poured the batter into the cake pan, adjusted the one remaining strap on her apron, coughed up a wad of stuffing, then flew over to the oven and put the cake in to bake.

Together the stuffed animals worked to clean up the kitchen, with Fatty Bear washing dishes while Matilda Rabbit dried them and put them away. This, of course, lead to another round of barnyard animal noises every time the bunny opened the cupboard. They also mopped up the spilled milk and cheese crumbs, all while Alecto sat playing with her rice.

By the time the cake had finished baking, Alecto had fallen asleep on the kitchen floor. She probably would have slept through the remainder of the evening if it weren't for the smell of freshly baked chocolate cake arousing her senses. 

In a flurry of rice she rose from the floor, a stuffed animal on either side as she inhaled the warm aroma. Then, before either of the plushies could stop her, Alecto dug into the cake with her fingers and removed a huge hunk of chocolatey goodness.

Matilda Rabbit gasped and Fatty Bear grabbed Alecto's wrist, stopping her before she could shove the cake in her mouth.

"Alecto, wait! We haven't even decorated the cake yet, or put candles on it for your mother." And then Fatty Bear stopped, thought for a minute, and realized that he had no idea know how old Maisie was. "Wait a minute." He looked at Alecto and Matilda Rabbit. "Does anyone know how old Maisie is going to be?"

"I thought she was twenty-seven," said Matilda Rabbit.

"Thirty?" Alecto said, though it came out sounding like a question.

The demonic plushie took the piece of cake and carefully smushed it back into place. Alecto immediately began to lick the frosting off her fingers.

"How about we put seven candles on the cake?" Fatty Bear suggested. "It's the same as the number of horcruxes the Dark Lord made, so Maisie should be okay with that."

"But Mommy isn't seven," said Alecto, who had grabbed the jar of sprinkles, bopped Matilda Rabbit on the nose with the jar, then started dumping loads of skull shaped sprinkles onto the cake. The rest of the sprinkles ended up in her mouth, and several of them went on the floor, down the front her mother's robes and all over the counter.

Next came little black bat shaped sprinkles. They joined with the silver and green swirls Fatty Bear added, which had originally been straight lines of colored frosting bordering the edges of the cake. But then Alecto stuck her fingers in them, smearing green and silver from one end of the cake to the other, and it was up to Fatty Bear to figure out how to repair the damage.

In the end they were left with a very smushy birthday cake, one with streaks of color, mounds of toppings and only a single candle that had been adorned with teeth marks. It was an awful mess, but by now Alecto was too tired to care.

She curled up under the kitchen table, found her little pygmy puff scampering around on the floor, snuggled with the fuzzy critter, then went to sleep in a pile of rice and sprinkles.

.oOo.

Gradually the moon began to sink below the horizon, the starlight fading as the first light of dawn filled the skies. It was during this time that Amycus awoke, ready for some early morning licking before his wife got out of bed.

He slathered the banister with saliva as he made his way down the hall, making sure he stopped to savor the delectable taste of fine rosewood. He also licked the bathroom door after finishing his morning business, then he sampled the towels in the laundry basket before heading downstairs.

He was halfway down the stairs when he caught sight of some colorful streamers dangling from the ceiling in the living room. These streamers had been draped across the doorways and windows, adding a splash of blood red and coal black to the dreary manor. And at the center of all, a dozen balloons were floating over a magnificent cake that had been carefully placed on the coffee table.

There was also a scattering of balloons drifting lazily around the words "happy birthday" that had been stuck to the wall over the couch. These letters, which appeared to have been cut from colored construction paper, were coated in a layer of sparkly glitter, making it look more like a birthday party for his sister instead of his wife.

And then he stopped, his tongue curled around the banister. Where was his sister? He could see a pile of stuffed toys asleep on the couch: a doll, a moose and beat up old rabbit, but Alecto was no where to be seen.

A quick search of the adjacent room revealed his sleeping sibling underneath the kitchen table, her teddy bear snoozing beside her with his back against the table leg. Even now, Fatty Bear refused to leave her side, watching over her until he was too tired to stay awake.

Amycus grinned, and sent his tongue under the table, licking both the bear's face and his sister's face at the same time.

Fatty Bear spluttered and awoke with a start, his fur glistening with saliva. Alecto, on the other hand, was used to this kind of greeting, and thought nothing of being woken up by her brother's caterpillar tongue.

"Good morning, my dearest sibling," said Amycus. He quickly retracted his tongue before Fatty Bear could swipe at it with his claws. "It appears as though our living room has been fully furnished with all the necessities for a party."

"Uh-huh." Alecto nodded sleepily, rubbing her eyes and slowly starting to wake up. "We made cake and I helped lots. But Mommy's niffie got loose, so we had to chase him all over the house."

"Boy, did we ever." Fatty Bear rolled his eyes, remembering all they'd gone through the night before.

"I assume he's been returned to his package," said Amycus, to which Alecto responded with another tired nod.

"He's in the living room," she said. "We stuffed the niffie in his box and put him under the couch."

Amycus glanced in the direction of the living room. "You mean we actually have space under there for a change?" Another nod from his sister, who had started sucking on her fingers. "That's surprising. Normally the area under the sofa is populated by a certain blue haired entity who smells strongly of skunk fumes and vanilla cupcakes."

Fatty Bear listened to their conversation for a while, taking some time to relax now that his work was finished. He had done his best to look after Alecto, helping her bake a cake and decorate with the other stuffed animals. Now all they had to do was wait for Maisie to wake up. But Alecto, ever the impatient toddler, decided it was better to take off full speed ahead, leaving her brother in the dust before diving onto her mother's bed.

"Mommy!" Alecto cried joyfully, bouncing up and down on Maisie's bed. "Mommy, Mommy, come see! Come see! We made you a surprise and Amycus wants to lick it!"

Maisie's response was muffled against her pillow. All she understood were the words "lick it". And so she lifted her hand and tried shooing her adopted daughter off the bed.

"Not now, Amycus," she murmured, unaware of the fact that it was Alecto and not Amycus she was speaking too. "You just licked it yesterday."

Frustrated by her mother's lack of interest, Alecto grabbed Maisie's hand, brought it to her mouth and started nibbling on Maisie's fingers. It was enough to rouse the Death Eater from her sleep, just as Amycus arrived in the doorway.

"Whatever she told you, I promise I haven't licked anything." There was a slight pause before he added, "Although I must admit it does appear rather tempting, to say the least."

Maisie finally rolled over in bed, looking from Alecto to Amycus then back again. "Alright, what are you two up to?"

"My darling Maisie, whatever made you think we're up to something?" Amycus queried, pausing to lick one of the cracks in the ceiling. 

"Because it's five in the morning and you're both wide awake."

"Mommy, come on!" Alecto whined, biting her mother's hand and tugging on her fingers. She yanked her mother out of bed, hauling her down the stairs and out into the living room.

Fatty Bear was waiting for them with the other stuffed animals. The plush moose had hidden behind the armchair, and both Matilda Rabbit and Fatty Bear were hiding under the coffee table. They could hear Alecto coming down the stairs, followed by the shuffling of Maisie's fuzzy slippers, and the wet slap of Amycus' tongue as he hurried to catch up.

"Do you remember what we're supposed to do when she gets here?" Fatty Bear whispered. To which Matilda Rabbit loudly replied, "Speak up, Fatty! I've only got one good ear left, you know!"

The demonic plushie growled, and shoved another cheese stick in Matilda Rabbit's mouth. 

Moments later, a very drowsy looking witch accompanied by her adopted daughter appeared at the bottom of the staircase. All of the stuffed animals jumped out and yelled, "Surprise!" 

Amycus and Alecto joined in as well, even though Amycus' tongue was already creeping ahead of them and around the corner, getting dangerously close to the smushy birthday cake.

Maisie's eyes grew wide, her expression brightening at the sight of the cake and decorations. She swept past her husband's tongue and the cheering plushies, admiring how beautiful everything was before turning and embracing her daughter.

"Alecto, my treasure, did you do all this for me?"

"Yes, Mommy. I did everything all by myself like a big girl!" Alecto lied, but it came out sounding ever so sweet. Fatty Bear just crossed his arms over his chest, knowing better than to interrupt their mother/daughter bonding moment.

"And you did such a wonderful job, my baby angel," said Maisie, a wide grin spreading across her face. 

She couldn't help smiling at the lopsided anomaly that had been placed in front of her, with sprinkles piled high and misshapen globs of frosting used to hide the corner where Alecto dug into the cake. It was her daughter's way of making art, her own design style, and Maisie loved it.

Maisie sat down on the couch, her daughter crawling onto her lap while Amycus stretched his tongue under the couch to retrieve the gift box.

"And thith ith from me," he said, depositing the box on the couch. A single paw reached out of one of the air holes in the side, searching for anything shiny that was within reach. "Can you guess what it is?"

"It's an exercise in patience, that's what it is," Fatty Bear grumbled, glaring at the box.

When the niffler was released from its enclosure, it went straight for the silverware next to the cake. In went the fork, disappearing into the creature's pouch. Then another fork, and another, then Alecto's shiny pacifier that was wedged between the cushions on the couch.

Not that it mattered to Alecto, who had already dug out another handful of cake and inhaling it like there was no tomorrow. Maisie didn't mind either, knowing that Amycus would lick the both of them clean when this was over. 

And so she joined her daughter, using her wand to magically cut a slice of cake. The sprinkles cascaded onto the plate, causing a miniature avalanche that went all over the coffee table, the floor and Maisie's feet. But it was the perfect cake, beautiful and sweet, just like her daughter.


End file.
